Surviving narcissistic parents

Source: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock Parents often make excuses for their children’s outrageous behavior, whether it's a preschooler’s tantrum or a teen ’s sullen refusal to do what he or she has been asked. Children who become unmanageable or verbally abusive to their parents are, in fact, bullies , although most parents don’t think of these behaviors in that way. Maybe they should. Sean Grover , a New York psychotherapist, mustered the courage to call such children exactly what they are— bullies —and figured out how frustrated parents can take charge again and restore positive parent-child relationships. Here's what he had to say: Sean, you have worked with children and parents for more than 20 years. What prompted you to write, When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully—and Enjoy Being a Parent Again ? Grover: Years ago, when I started to feel I was being bullied by my own child, I read every parenting book I … [Read more...] about The 3 Types of Parents Who Get Bullied by Their Own Children

SINGAPORE - Siblings Nathan and Phoebe Foong have been waking up for school, where they stand to attention for the National Anthem during assembly, before heading to the canteen. The catch? They are actually at home. Their parents, Elvin and Esther Foong, devised "Naph School", an amalgam of the first two letters of the children's names, after the family were asked to self-isolate under a leave of absence (LOA) request. The family's LOA was issued after their trip to visit Mrs Foong's father in Johor during the recent March school holidays. Nathan, nine, and Phoebe, seven, will return to school on April 2 . According to the Education Ministry, less than 10 per cent of students and staff across all schools are on LOA or stay-home notice (SHN), which aim to prevent the spread of Covid-19. They are both 14-day self-isolation measures, typically following overseas travel. Some families with young children are concerned about supporting their offspring's learning away from … [Read more...] about Staying at home during Covid-19 outbreak: How to plan activities with your kids, and take ‘sanity breaks’

This post is published in three parts. Please click on the link below for Part 2. For those of us who hold compassion as a central value, and perhaps are actively working to create a more compassionate world, one of the most frustrating and demoralizing experiences is having to deal with uncompassionate people. These are people who, despite being made aware of widespread suffering or of their harmful impact on those around them, seem not to care and to prioritize their own self-interest over the well-being of others. Ironically, though, our frustration with those who are disconnected from their compassion is often precisely what causes us to disconnect from our own compassion. We may struggle to feel charitable, to maintain a sense of goodwill toward these individuals, and we may therefore interact with them in a way that brings about the opposite effect of what we want. For example, perhaps you explain to someone that eating more vegan foods supports the well-being of animals … [Read more...] about Compassion Privilege: Why Caring People Are Sometimes Unkind

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There is an increasingly popular belief in our society that our words must be perfectly precise in order to make others feel safe. Even as a psychologist specializing in suicidal ideation in teenagers and young adults, I am often informed, by well-meaning non-professionals, that it is better to say "she is suffering from a depressive episode" rather than "she is depressed ." It is better to say "he is a suicide survivor" rather than "he previously attempted suicide." I was raised by a parent who repeatedly attempted to take their own life, and by a second parent that continued to deny their spouse's intent. The idea that a change in verbiage will help someone who is struggling to stay alive feels insincere. It feels as if we need to minimize and deny, rather than to accept and address the suffering of our loved one. I did not become a psychologist with the intention to minimize the suffering of other people, but to address their pain head-on. And to provide a safe space … [Read more...] about At What Point Does Too Much Sensitivity Become Insensitive?